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H A W A I I T I M E S H A R E F O R S A L E : BAY CLUB AT WAIKOLOA BEACH RESORT
___>>>69-450 WAIKOLOA BEACH DR. WAIKOLOA, HI(THE BIG ISLAND) 96738<<<_____
TO VIEW A MORE GENERIC, MUCH LESS PERSONALIZED &, I SUSPECT FOR MANY OF YA'LL, TEEE-
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___THE "SAME UNIT" SELLS FOR AROUND $10,000 THRU THE BAY CLUB___
NOTE: THE UNIT IS "EVEN YEAR USAGE" (& FLOATING WEEK)
& 2006'S WEEK IS STILL AVAILABLE. . .
$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD...$OLD
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(IF YOU HAVE AN ADVERSE REACTION TO A CRITICAL MASS OF SUPERSILLIESTNESS,
SKIPPING TO THE "DESCRIPTION" PORTION NOW JUST MIGHT AVERT THAT...)
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...WE NOW JOIN OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION:
"O N C E U P O N A T I M E S H A R E I N A M E R I C A"
...ALREADY IN PROGRESS...
...ORIGINALLY LOCATED IN NAGSHEAD, NC ... HOWEVER, SEVERAL YEARS
AGO, USIN' THE SKILLS & INFORMATION GLEANED FROM BEIN' OCCUPIED
BY A FEW MEMBERS OF ONE OF OUR ELITE SPECIAL FORCES UNITS, MR. TS
BEGAN AN INCREDIBLE JOURNEY BY RUNNIN' AWAY WITH AN OLD DOGHOUSE
AND THIS NEIGHBOR-SIAMESE-CAT'S CARPETED SCRATCHIN' POST -- BOTH OF
WHICH IT HAD RIGOROUSLY & THOROUGHLY TRAINED...THEY EVENTUALLY
MADE IT TO THE BIG ISLAND, HAWAII, AND, SHORTLY THEREAFTER, SNUCK
ONTO THE BAY CLUB AT WAIKOLOA BEACH RESORT PROPERTY, WHERE THEY
SUCCESSFULLY AND COVERTLY INTEGRATED THEMSELVES INTO THE GOLD
CROWN RESORT ENVIRONMENT. WHAT'S THAT? ARE THEY ALL STILL THERE,
YOU ASK? WELL, LET'S JUST SAY, I'D MAKE DAMN SURE ONE OF THE MICRO-
WAVE OVENS IN THE PENTHOUSE UNITS WAS CLEANED AFTER E-VER-Y USE ...
OR YOU MIGHT WAKE UP WITH RAW HOTDOGS WHERE YOUR SPINE USED TO
BE ... AND, I'D REFRAIN FROM USIN' A CERTAIN "TENNIS NET SUPPORT" AS A
PROP ON WHICH TO VENT ALLL YOUR BAD-SHOT-FRUSTRATIONS ... OR YOU
MIGHT WAKE UP WITH OLD TENNIS BALLS FOR HANDS AND NAAAA-AAAASTY
SWEAT SOCKS FOR FEET... AS FOR THE TIMESHARE, IT IS WHERE IT BELONGS.
IT HAS PAID ITS DUES AND, ALL THAT NOW REMAINS, IS TO DETERMINE WHO
DESERVES TO BE THE NEXT PART-OWNER, WITH THE CHOICE & PRIVILEGE OF
SPENDIN' SOME OF THEIR VACATIONS IN THIS PARADISE WITH IT-- IN PERPETUITY.
NOT A BAD FAMILY TRADITION TO BEGIN OR LEGACY TO PASS ON. . .
THE PRICE OF THIS PERPETUAL PRIVILEGE IS PARKED AT THE
BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE, JUST PAST THE PICTURES... BUT, PRIOR
TO PROUDLY PROCURING THIS PRIMO PAD IN PARADISE BY PRO-
FERRING A PROFU$E PAYMENT PLUNDERED FROM YOUR PRO-
GENY'S POST-SECONDARY-SCHOOL PHUND, PLEASE PERUSE
THE PROCEEDING PATTER, PRAISIN' THE PRECIOUS & PLEN-
TIFUL PARTICULARS OF THIS PREMIUM PROPERTY...
WELL, G'HEAD & PROBE THE PROVIDED PRESENTATION, &
PARDON ME WHILE I PARTAKE IN -- OKAY, "POUNCE ON" -- THIS
PLUMP POORBOY, PILED WITH PROSCUITTO, PROVOLONE,
PEPPERJACK, PRIZE PICKLES, PEPPERONCINI, & PLOCHMAN'S
PREMIUM... PLUS PLENTY OF PAPER-THIN, PAN-FRIED POTATOES...
PSSSSSSST, PENELOPE, PLEASE PASS THE PAPRIKA...
& THE PITCHER OF PILSNER...
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_______________________DESCRIPTION_______/\_ _\o/__________
800 SQ FT (INTERIOR)
300 SQ FT (LANAI)
1 BEDROOM
1 BATHROOM
SLEEPS 4
FLOATING WEEK FOR MAXIMUM FLEXIBILITY
EVEN YEAR USAGE (I.E. 2006!)
DEEDED
$625 MAINTENANCE FEE (USAGE YEARS ONLY)
18 MILES NORTH OF KONA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
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THE COMFORTABLY LUXURIOUS & EXCEPTIONALLY HOSPITABLE SANCTUARY KNOWN AS
"THE BAY CLUB AT WAIKOLOA BEACH RESORT" IS A RCI GOLD CROWN RESORT, THE MOST
PRESTIGIOUS DESIGNATION POSSIBLE, IN TERMS OF RESORT STATUS AND, THUS, EXCHANGE
POWER ... THIS SUPREME POWER TRANSLATES INTO THE ABILITY TO EXCHANGE A BAY CLUB
VACATION FOR ACCOMMODATIONS IN ANY OF OVER 3,600 RESORTS IN CLOSE TO 100 COUNTRIES
ON YOUR PLANET ... I-I-I MEAN, AROUND THE WORLD, INCLUDING EXCLUSIVE ACCESS TO
OTHER GOLD CROWN RESORTS...
THE BAY CLUB IS LOCATED ON THE KOHALA COAST ON THE BIG ISLAND OF HAWAII (MAP
INCLUDED IN THE PICTURES BELOW) ... THE PROPERTY IS UNIQUELY LANDSCAPED WITH
LEGIONS OF DANDELIONS, HUNDREDS OF "STEPFORD WIFE", "NINJA", "ROCK 'N' ROLL"
(BOTH "STAR" 'N' "GROUPIE"), & "SPRINKLER" BARBIES, AS WELL AS DOZENS OF TASTE-
FULLY ACCESSORIZED PLASTIC PINK FLAMINGOS ... OH, WAIT-WAIT-WAIT ... SORRY, I WAS
LOOKIN' OUT THE WINDOW AT MY (MAINLAND) FRONT YARD ... NOW, WHERE IS THAT
PICTURE? ...OKAY, MATT, FO-CUS...
...ANYHOOLA, THE BAY CLUB PROPERTY IS BEAUTIFULLY LANDSCAPED WITH TROPICAL FOILAGE
& WATER FEATURES WHICH REFLECT THE ISLAND'S CAPTIVATING & THERAPEUTIC CHARM...
TWO CHAMPIONSHIP GOLF COURSES, THE WHITE- SANDS BEACH OF ANAEHO' OMALU BAY, AND A
NICE SELECTION OF RESTAURANTS, SHOPS, & GALLERIES ARE A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY...
........................RESORT AMENITIES.......................
*HANDICAPPED-UNITS*
( I S'POSE FORE! THOSE FOLKS WHO LIED
& AREN'T REALLY SCRATCH GOLFERS )
*ELEVATOR*
OR, AS THOSE CLEVER BRITS SAY, "A PLUS-SIZED-UP-
&-DOWN-PHONE-BOOTH ... -HOLD-THE-BLOODY-PHONE!"
*FITNESS CENTER*
*2 TENNIS COURTS*
*2 JACUZZIS*
*2 SWIMMIN' POOLS*
*6 BARBECUE GRILLS*
*POOLSIDE CAFE*
*FREE SHUTTLE SERVICE WI/LOCAL AREA*
*ACTIVITIES DESK*
*CHILDREN'S PROGRAM*
*DAILY CRAFTS*
*NIGHTLY ENTERTAINMENT*
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..................................... UNIT AMENITIES .....................................
*(FURNISHINGS PICTURED BELOW)*
*AIR-CONDITIONING, OF COURSE*
(WAIT, OR IS IT BYOAC? HMMMMMM...)
*COMPLETE GOURMET KITCHEN*
*MICROWAVE OVEN*
*STANDARD FULL SIZE OVEN*
*GRILL/GRIDDLE COOKTOP W/DOWNDRAFT VENTING*
*COFFEE MAKER*
*BLENDER*
*RICE COOKER*
*DISHWASHER*
*WASHER -N- DRYER*
*WET BAR(LANAI)*
*TV/VCR/STEREO*
*NOT HAUNTED*
*UNLESS YOU'RE "INTO" THAT ... THEN, OF COURSE, IT "IS" HAUNTED
...AND I MEAN "FIRST-CLASS-DELUXE"... I. E. ONLY GHOSTS OF FAMOUS
PEOPLE ... & I DON'T MEAN "LOVE BOAT" OR "REALITY SHOW" FAMOUS*
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FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE BAYCLUB & THE GREAT ARRAY OF SIGHTS -N-
ACTIVITIES ON THE BIG ISLAND, CHECK OUT HILTON GRAND VACATIONS CLUB (HGVC) AT :
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_________________________P I C T U R E S_________________________
(NOTE: USE EMAIL LINK TO GET CURRENT PRICE FOR LOVING FAMILY IN PICTURES BELOW...)
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__________________CONTACT & PURCHASING INFORMATION____________________
ASKING PRICE >>>>(ALSO AVAILABLE FOR RENT IN 2006)>>>> $4500 + MAINT. FEE**
BUYER RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY & ALL CLO$ING CO$T$ & TRAN$FER FEE$... AT PRESENT,
CLOSING SERVICES WILL BE SUPPLIED BY CHICAGO TITLE'S TIMESHARE DIVISION --
WHOSE STATED FEE FOR THE ENTIRE CLOSING PROCESS IS $550 FOR HAWAIIN PROPERTIES --
ALTHOUGH THE SELLER IS OPEN TO USING A LE$$ EXPEN$IVE $ERVICE PROVIDER
TO PURCHA$E, MAKE AN OFFER, OR RENT, SIMPLY
E-MAIL ME TO BEGIN THAT PROCESS
** TO CLARIFY, AT SOME POINT, IF THE $4500 ASKING PRICE HAS NOT BEEN MET, THE OWNER
WILL CONSIDER ACCEPTING THE BEST OFFER, IF IT IS ABOVE HER PRIVATE RESERVE PRICE...HER
PRIVATE RESERVE PRICE, TO GET TECHNICAL FOR JUST A MOMENT, IS THE THRESHOLD ABOVE
WHICH THE AMOUNT OF MONEY RECEIVED IS SUFFICIENT TO LIBERATE HER FROM FIXATIN' ON
THE AMOUNT OF MONEY RECEIVED, TO THE POINT THAT SHE'D WANT & WOULD PROBABLY TRY
TO DRINK HERSELF INTO A COMA... **
THANKS FOR YOUR TIME, INTEREST, &, PERHAPS EVEN, MONEY... & PLEASE FEEL FREE TO
PESTER ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS YOU HAVE ... EVEN TIMESHARE RELATED QUESTIONS ...
M A H A L O !
Free counters provided by Andale.
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